The Final Curtain

Not me, but Slainte'. At least how we know it. Last night was the last night for a great room. It's going to be under new ownership and Timmy B will no longer host the room. There's a possibility that they may keep hosting it once a month, and my name has come up a couple of times as someone that could host it. I'm not sure, all I know is, last night was a good night.

People were in the mood to laugh. Nobody had a bad set, and it was easy to tell new jokes. Towards the beginning, there were just us comics and later on, more people filed in. I didn't take the bullet last night, I decided to wait. My set was mostly new stuff. Some worked, some could've done better, but it was a good set all around. I did probably about 10 minutes in all. I threw in some old stuff, even my wine tasting turned rape joke, which I love, and was told by my fiance that it should never see the light of day. Well it's worked every time now, so I guess we know which of us is the comedian.

There were a good number of people doing physical humor last night, and Timmy himself had a great bit about imaginary pets. My stuff wasn't physical, but I'm still perplexed about a joke I find funny that isn't shaping up. Perhaps because it makes fun of Christopher Reeve and it's rather scathing. People sure are touchy about him it seems. My intro portions of a couple of my jokes did very well, so I think if I reworked them and came back at a different angle, I should be able to get something juicy out of them.

A couple of the regulars weren't there, and I'm sure they'll be sad when they find out it's done and the last night went well. Slainte' has been very kind to host us and provide free drinks all year long. It's the room where Joe Ricchio was king and we all hung on his every word until he mimed fucking Jesus in the ass. It's the room where comedy campfire would happen to keep the jokes popping from comic to comic. It's the room where many of us found our voice and always had time for us to do a set, no matter the situation. It's the room that was brutally honest about jokes that had a shot and ones that needed sod tossed over the top of them. And it's the room that any comic who went and had a good set could leave saying, "What a great room. I'll definitely come back." I'm going to miss the room, because the patrons generally were the type of audience that appreciated my sense of humor. It was the open mic room where I've always felt most comfortable.

Thank you Slainte', and than you TimmyB!

Blame Canada!

As mentioned before. I’ve decided to do a post about my trip to Toronto if anything funny should happen, and believe you me it was a blast. Myself, Mike, and Bandit (Paul) hit the highway for 12 hours each way for fun and frivolity.

My very first practical joke didn’t work out as planned, but was funny all the same. We were leaving my house in South Portland at 3:00 in the morning. I decided that as a prank, for breakfast I’d eat a whole can on baked beans, and munch on sugar free vitamin C drops for the 12 hour ride. Both of which make me especially gassy. I also sprayed myself with half a can of Old Spice body spray to try my best to be the most fragrant traveler ever. Fast forward to 3 hours later in Springfield MA where I am in the grimiest bathroom of a Dunkin Donuts ever, exploding over the toilet. Then fast forward 3 and a half minutes forward to the same bathroom where I explode again, and start to regret the beans and cough drops. I might have regretted it the first time, but figured one blow out might be okay, but now I’ve settled into a pattern with well more than 9 hours left to travel. Apparently it would become obvious to me later that I actually had a cold that would help in the distribution of fluid business for the next few days anyhow.

Fast forward to Buffalo New York, who needs to buy a muffler? Everywhere there were muffler shops. I was looking forward to stopping in Buffalo to have some wings from the town that made them famous. We got a little turned around, and ended up eating at some place called Ying’s Wings and Things, which I’m fairly certain was a tax shelter for the mob, as our waitress knew nothing about the food they served. Whenever I go to a new place, I like to try their local beer. I asked what their darkest local beer was, and the waitress’ reply was “Guinness?” I had ginger ale instead. The wings were good, I didn’t have to poop, but Mike took a picture of Bandit over the stall just prior to him flushing an epic turd. We all had a good laugh at that, and me sucking the juice of the wings off my fingers. Buffalo seemed like an armpit of a town.


Once we were in Niagra Falls, Mike and I played a different version of air hockey. I grew up with an air hockey table and it’s one of my hidden talents. Nobody ever beats me. This was a new style though. It was called Boomerang and it was “V” shaped and you played right next to your opponent. I think I ended up winning 7-3. Mike took a picture of the back of his Bandit’s neck while he wasn’t looking, and it looked like a pack of sausages. The falls were pretty impressive, but we had a destination, so I took another poop and we were off.


Toronto itself feels like a young city. The layout is a lot like Downtown Chicago, with all of the glitz of Times Square. Bordering neighborhoods where the kitschy shops are feel like the “U” District of Seattle. It’s neat, but they sure love Tim Horton’s. How many donuts do people really need? There’s a lot of homeless people in the city, and we saw a rather disturbing sight Saturday night. A Chinese man was “cracked-out” in the middle of Yongue Street. That’s a major downtown street in Toronto. He was sitting Indian style in the middle of the sidewalk with his nose running, tears flowing, foaming up all over himself in the middle of the rain. It hit me in the gut pretty hard. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

We also had breakfast at a place called Over Easy I believe. Ramrod must’ve been feeling silly because he got a chocolate waffle the size of his head. I thought it was funny, because it really looked exactly like something out of a scat video or something and he was wolfing it down.

The Red Sox game was cool; it was a good game even though they lost again. Getty Lee was in the stadium right behind home plate, and the crowd went bananas when they showed him on the big screen. The pitcher was Hansack, who was the same guy I had seen pitch in Portland the week before. Ironic I had to travel so far to see him play again. There were tons of Red Sox fans at the game, and lots of sign from places like Fall River MA.

There’s a lot of hockey stuff in Toronto, and it felt weird to be there. Sports that are important to us mean nothing to them and vice versa. I know nothing about hockey, and they seem to care nothing about baseball. I do care about Coffee Crisps however, which is one of their candy bars we can’t get here. We must’ve eaten enough to feed a small village in those things alone.

On our trip home, we were stopped at the border and pulled from the car. We had to wait in the office with a lot of men name Muhammad etc etc. It was pretty nerve wracking, as I couldn’t think of anything that we might have done that would’ve gotten us handpicked out of those thousands of vehicles to get searched. It made me regret thinking that if we got stopped, I was going to tell an officer that Bandit had balloons of heroin in his butt, but seriously, these cops weren’t “fucking around” as they say. It was all business. Fast forward about 10 hours later, I was back home safe and sound at home with my fiancé, and I took a big poop and went to bed.
Looking forward to next year when we go on another trip. It’s always a blast hanging with the boys.

Sierra Mist!

Last night at Sierra's was fun. It was the first time I had worked that room, and I had a pretty great set. Some new stuff and old stuff happened last night, I went without a set list. The only problem was, not too many people were there to see it.

Aside from the comics that were there, at any given point there would've been about 5 people in there max. Too bad for that, the room is set up really nice, I'll definitely go back again next month if I can. The comics that were there, were all supportive and had fun. It seemed like egos were checked at the door. That's always nice. After a few minues, nobody seemed to care that there wasn't an audience.

I was impressed with our host Dennis Fogg. I had worked with him before, but he was hosting last night. He had so much material, it was silly. Aside from Dennis, there was a new guy named Nick Salovos (?) sorry I'm bad with names, myself, Seth Bond Perry, Chuck Sanborn, and Tammy Pooler. I feel like I'm forgetting someone, but it was all good. It was a nice mix of Comedy Connection, Acoustic Coffee people and Liquid Blue folks in a neutral room. There was a different air to it for sure.

For some reason my Supercuts bit worked really well for me last night. Tammy Pooler said it was one of the funniest things she'd heard in a long time. I think it's a funny bit, but I don't generally think of it as that strong, but for some reason last night was it's night to shine.

When my set was done, I decided I wanted something sweet to drink, and I asked for a Sprite. Normally when you ask for a Sprite and they don't have it, they say "7 Up okay?". Not last night, the bartender Matt said "Sierra Mist okay?". I said sure as the taste of irony crossed my lips. Just a little cocky that a place called Sierra's doesn't serve Sprite or 7Up, only Sierra Mist.

Nothing scheduled for shows until October 12th, but I'll probably work Slainte next week Thursday the 28th. But, as the post begins with a picture of the road, I'll be hitting it with my friends Mike and Bandit to Toronto this Friday morning. It's going to be fun, and as I mentioned before, I may make a post about it, because I'm pretty certain something funny will happen.
OH NO I DIDN"T!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I Feel Poorly

I have to be honest, I dread writing this post. My set last night was bad. I got a few laughs, not a bomb, but it might as well have been. From the word jump, I knew it wasn't going to go well.

My energy was really low when I got onstage, and I felt distant. It might have had something to do with the host, referring to the comics last night as a meal and I was introduced as the salad. He did a fine job of making the crowd laugh, but from what I could see, he was cutting the showcase comics, myself included, off at the knees. Phrases like, "There's the emergency exit right there in case the next comic really sucks..." etc etc. I know that's an excuse, and I'm not blaming him directly, I'm just painting the picture.

My jokes weren't hitting the crowd very well. A couple of them went over okay, but I literally had a couple that got no response at all. It was grim. I tried to mix up styles while onstage and deviated from my set list. Jokes that had killed before were getting a limp chuckle. They weren't into me, and I wasn't into them. It was just a hair better than the OOB show I did a couple of months back.

When my set was over, I thanked the crowd, and the host was nowhere to be seen. I was hung up there to dry. What a horrible feeling. He should've been in or near the room to take the stage back, but instead he was off jerking around not paying attention. He's done it before when I worked with him, but at least I plowed through the set and had a good set last time, so the moment wasn't quite as awkward. Last night it sucked.

Comedy is finnicky. There's nothing quite like the feeling of being on stage and people are feeling you. It's one of the greatest feelings in the world. There's a strange connection and magic to it. When it goes south, like last night, it's just as instense of a feeling except, it feels that bad. It's tough to go through. Anybody that knows me closely, knows I have poor self esteem, and have been through bouts of depression. It makes the tough nights especially tough. It doesn't matter how many great nights I have, a bad one will stay with me and mean more than 1000 great nights.

When I took my dog for a walk this morning at 5:00, the thought that kept popping into my head was "I haven't learned anything from last night's set". That's something I've always found is that I learn something from every show. I'm full of self doubt and I'm real angry about how my set went down last night. I'm mostly angry at myself for not doing a good job. I wonder if all the stress and work to write new jokes is worth a night like last night. Tune in next time and see.

My next show is on Tuesday of next week at Sierra's in Gorham at 8:00. Other than that, I have October 12th, the 29th, and the previously mentioned Boston Comedy Connection on November 6th.

A Quick Update

I just thought I'd throw this post out there, so people didn't think I "fell off". I haven't done any shows for almost 2 weeks. I was thinking of doing Acoustic Coffee last week, but decided to let it go. I've basically been enjoying the very end of summer. No fooling, I kept pretty busy all summer and forgot to smell the roses.

So for the past couple weeks, I've been going to the movies, catching plenty of Sea Dogs and Red Sox games, and as you can see above, I met Bruce Campbell. He seems really cool. It's been a fun couple of weeks, and I'm kind of glad I stepped away from stand-up to refresh.

I have a "booze cruise" Monday with the comics and employees of the Portland Comedy Connection. After that, I finally have a show on Thursday at the Connection as well. I may try and swing out to Slainte after, but probably not. Aside from that, I don't have anything else scheduled, but the 19th of next week, I plan on finally attending Sierra in Gorham to give it a shot. I keep forgetting to give it a try, and now I have plenty of time.

I've been writing and reading books on stand-up for a couple of weeks too, I'm hoping it'll help me with structure, but it makes the writing process that much easier.

I have a long weekend trip coming up in 2 weeks to Toronto with my pals mike and his Brother we call Bandit. I may even put a post in here about that, but where this is a comedy blog that would seem weird. If something "stand-uppish" happens, I'll let you know.

And in closing, let's all keep our calendars clear for Monday November 7th. Comedy Connection Boston here I come! Be there or be a geometrical shape with equal 90 degree angles at all four corners with matching length and widths.